Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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