I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
