Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
