I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
