can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
