He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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