if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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