Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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