Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
