Ambien. No doubt about it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
