Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
