had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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