She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
