Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
