Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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