Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
