so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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