i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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