sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
dude. I can hear the air.
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