He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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