So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
