dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night