Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
