Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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