I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask