just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
