I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
