That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
