If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
