How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
