if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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