You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
