I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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