I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
