I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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