we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
