i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
