I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
