I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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