god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
