Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
