I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
