I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
