He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
