Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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