Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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