If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
