I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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