I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
