I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
