Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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