I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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