Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
