nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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