omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
