i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to calm my uterus...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
