Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
