Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
