My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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