I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
