I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
