Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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