There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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