Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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