After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
