No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize