everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
