She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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