i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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