Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
