Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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