Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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