the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
