I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
