I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
only if we run a train.
done.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
