so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
