you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
