yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
