I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
