how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
