Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
