She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
