Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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