I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
