Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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