Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just tell him i said nine months
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize