Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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