I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
