Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
