I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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