porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
