saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish you could order shots online.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
