My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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